It's Pride Month(s), and when I reflect on what pride means to me, no word captures it better than "Joyzistance," a delicious portmanteau that marries joy with resistance. There's a particular beauty in combining such opposites, embodying the very essence of what makes Pride resonate so deeply—both joy and resistance are essential.
Words, like sexuality, can be fluid, Joyzistance can be a noun, an adjective, and most powerfully, a verb. Today, I would I like to explore it as a verb.
As an educator, I’d like to invite us to start our journey with a simple exercise—notice and wonder. Consider the image below:
Perhaps you noticed a pink scarf, wondered about the blonde woman, or the imposing buildings around, or even why the police seem present...
This is Edie Windsor.
The image below captures her with her partner, Thea.
From this photo alone, the deep emotional connection they shared is palpable, unmistakable even in still form. They met in New York after Edie, fresh from a divorce, declared, "take me to where the lesbians are."
It took some time for Edie and Thea to find each other, but once they did, their connection was undeniable. "When I first met Thea, we danced all night. I danced a hole through my stockings," Edie fondly recalled.
Their love flourished and filled with global travels, shared homes in New York and Hamptons, thriving careers, and a milieu of artistic and intellectual friends. Their romance was punctuated by Thea’s unconventional proposal to Edie with a circular diamond pin, chosen to avoid the traditional and probing questions that a typical engagement ring might invite.
They spent nearly 40 years loving and dancing. Their story took a turn when Thea passed away, leaving her estate to Edie. Unfortunately, the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) meant their marriage wasn't recognized federally, and Edie faced a discriminatory over $300,000 tax bill—something a heterosexual spouse would not have encountered.
What did Edie do?
She challenged the U.S. government in a landmark lawsuit. The photo you saw earlier (with the pink scarf)? That was taken after her victory. Her case, among others, catalyzed the Obama administration to overturn DOMA.
“If we are truly created equal, then surely the love we commit to one another must be equal as well. And because people like Edie stood up, my administration stopped defending the so-called Defense of Marriage Act in the courts. The day that the Supreme Court issued its 2013 ruling in United States v. Windsor was a great day for Edie, and a great day for America – a victory for human decency, equality, freedom, and justice,” said President Barack Obama
It was Edie's joy and love for Thea that fueled her resistance to injustice, a Joyzistance that led to the legalization of gay marriage.
If you have gotten this far, thank you for reading, AND the story does not end...chapter 2.
In education, we often discuss the importance of providing "windows" and "mirrors" for students—windows to see others' experiences, and mirrors to reflect our own.
Edie’s relationship with Thea opened a window to the kind of love I aspired to experience, and as a queer woman, she mirrored my own identity in many ways.
We shared a love for fabulous pantsuits, a Russian-Jewish heritage, we (I think) identify as lipstick lesbians, and share a passion for mathematics.
As I learned more about Edie, I came across her famous mantra: “Don’t postpone joy!” This resonated deeply, reminding me of what I'd postponed—learning to dance the Tango.
Years earlier, right after college, I had fallen in love with Argentine Tango at the Trocadero plaza in Paris, entranced by the deep emotional connections expressed by the dancers. Despite my fascination, life got in the way, and it wasn't until Edie's mantra reverberated through me many years later that I acted. I searched to find a local tango instructor who embraced the idea of a female leader, lucky I found Colette. And in our first meeting, another gut punch: I knew I was in love—with her and the dance.
Fast forward six years to today, Colette and I share our life and our dance online, embodying our own form of Joyzistance. We aim to add to the growing expansion of what a "typical" tango couple looks like and celebrate our love as two femmes with an age difference, challenging stereotypes and affirming that love is indeed love.
Our relationship and dancing have unexpectedly become a window and mirror for others, nurturing a loving international community that embraces their own forms of Joyzistance
So, dear reader, as you reach the end of this narrative, I invite you to pause and consider:
Listen to that inner voice, that instinctual pull—whatever it may be, I hope you embrace it as your own form of Joyzistance!
Abrazos,
Madame K
P.S. I would like to express my gratitude to Dr. Kaleb Rashad for coining this beautiful and evocative word, 'Joyzistance’